Friday, June 27, 2008

Ok, here it is, the worst picture of me in my pre-gastric bypass days. The gal next to me was my best friend until I lost her to the bottle. I put up a good fight, but after I had Sydney, I could no longer spend my time taking her to detox in the hospital in the middle of the night or dealing with her issues. I have been thinking about her a lot lately. With all of my current health problems, I sure could use her to cheer me up, she could always make me laugh, even when I was crying. I am bathing in self pity and feeling so sorry for myself that I have become all doom and gloom in my own head, of course. God forbid I actually reach out and let people know I need help. I am off the anti-depressants because I can no longer afford the $100 a month they cost, I am broker than I have ever been and just got another $7200 in medical bills to add to the existing $22,000. I was in so much pain that I went to the nearest hospital instead of going to direct to OHSU where I get my discount and they, a week later, have already stuck me with the bill!!! Lori, where are you now????

Friday, June 13, 2008

Good days rock

So today, I spent over five hours at the zoo with my daughter and my two nephews-it was a blast and I got a few pretty cool pics. I feel much better now that I have been out of the house a few days in a row doing something other than going to school. :)

Thursday, June 12, 2008

The truth

I have nothing to bitch about. I have nothing to bitch about. I have nothing to bitch about. Why do I feel uneasy about that? What have I been avoiding thinking about or doing? Why have I let the housework fall by the wayside while I shove unimaginable amounts of food in my face? Why do I feel let down that I may actually get a 4.0 this term, no A-'s? What is wrong with me? I am out of focus and I have great grades, a wonderful child, a discount at OHSU for medical care, another car to replace the one that died and another home and I am not content. What am I going to do with myself all summer?


My mind is all aflutter, our move date is locked for June 29th, mom is already gone and Shelby, Sydney, and I will follow. All finals turned in as of yesterday and I wonder why I am feeling so down-as if there really is no purprose for me all summer long, no goal, no straight A's to strive for, nothing. But the dreaded move from a place that has been "home" for 27 years.