Anxiety is running high lately. I am sick of being sick and stressed. I feel the creepy depression fairy knocking at my door and the bug spray is only getting me so far. My addiction to food and pity parties are growing stronger to try and cope, which only makes it worse. My only safe space to vent right now is through photoshop and journaling, a place where only I know the meanings of things that are there, even if they are burried under layers.
Friday, November 14, 2008
To say that things have been hectic lately would be an understatement. My life's theme for this school term has been as follows: If it isn't one thing its another and if isn't another, its my mother. Anywhooooo, here are some pictures of the last two months that I am rather fond of. Enjoy!
Posted by Brandi at 3:02 PM
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
On a recent photo outing with my friends Debb and Matt, we discovered two very very cool things.....one being the Ashram where we were able to take the most beautiful flower pics and the second being the Alberta Street art fair. Two totally different places that were so much fun to shoot and honestly, just to be there was cool enough! Amazing people and amazing art! Here are just a few thousand of those shots:
Posted by Brandi at 9:05 PM
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Ok, here it is, the worst picture of me in my pre-gastric bypass days. The gal next to me was my best friend until I lost her to the bottle. I put up a good fight, but after I had Sydney, I could no longer spend my time taking her to detox in the hospital in the middle of the night or dealing with her issues. I have been thinking about her a lot lately. With all of my current health problems, I sure could use her to cheer me up, she could always make me laugh, even when I was crying. I am bathing in self pity and feeling so sorry for myself that I have become all doom and gloom in my own head, of course. God forbid I actually reach out and let people know I need help. I am off the anti-depressants because I can no longer afford the $100 a month they cost, I am broker than I have ever been and just got another $7200 in medical bills to add to the existing $22,000. I was in so much pain that I went to the nearest hospital instead of going to direct to OHSU where I get my discount and they, a week later, have already stuck me with the bill!!! Lori, where are you now????
Posted by Brandi at 6:23 PM
Friday, June 13, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
I have nothing to bitch about. I have nothing to bitch about. I have nothing to bitch about. Why do I feel uneasy about that? What have I been avoiding thinking about or doing? Why have I let the housework fall by the wayside while I shove unimaginable amounts of food in my face? Why do I feel let down that I may actually get a 4.0 this term, no A-'s? What is wrong with me? I am out of focus and I have great grades, a wonderful child, a discount at OHSU for medical care, another car to replace the one that died and another home and I am not content. What am I going to do with myself all summer?
Posted by Brandi at 11:11 PM
My mind is all aflutter, our move date is locked for June 29th, mom is already gone and Shelby, Sydney, and I will follow. All finals turned in as of yesterday and I wonder why I am feeling so down-as if there really is no purprose for me all summer long, no goal, no straight A's to strive for, nothing. But the dreaded move from a place that has been "home" for 27 years.
Posted by Brandi at 11:03 PM